Faith and Fireworks

For the Fourth of July, I went to the Miller's place for some food, fellowship, and fireworks, and naturally, we had a blast (pun intended). After sitting on the grass passing around a guitar, taking rides on the limousine golf cart, and playing death hack, we headed off to the dock to launch the fireworks.

The Miller's dock is quite narrow, so we walked single-file to the end where we quickly realized that there wasn't enough room for us and the fireworks. So a few of us guys (naturally) stayed behind to handle the explosives while the rest sat along the edge of the walkway to watch. We launched screaming rockets, roman candles, and fireballs (one of which, after the launcher fell over, reportedly grazed a few legs and a head, but it could just be a myth, as no one left the dock injured). For the bottle rockets, we found that the fishing-pole-holder made a perfect missile silo. We tried to launch two at once from it, but didn't manage to get the second one lit before we dropped it in. After hopes of getting it to light by the sparks from proceeding rockets, we gave up on it and moved on to bigger and better things. You could really feel the mortars when they were launched, and we did manage to get two of those at once. The remnants would fall down and you could hear them splash into the river... sorry Environment!

Once the mortars were used up, most everyone had left, but Zach and I stayed behind with hopes to light the trapped bottle rocket with sparklers. We'd been having trouble with the lighter all night, but it wasn't until now that we finally found that the trick was to keep it pointed downwards. We took the first sparkler, held it to the flame, and proceeded to become frustrated. It wouldn't light at all, no matter how long we held it there. Normally, those things ignite in just a couple of seconds, but we held this one in the flame for at least thirty and no sparks were to be found. We grabbed a second one, thinking that the first had been a fluke, but had the same problem. Finally, with both sparklers against the flame from the lighter, in my frustration, which might be more accurately called confusion or bewilderment, I quickly said, "Lord Jesus, light these sparklers!"

And I really don't think there was even a gap in time, not even a millisecond, between the last sound from my mouth and the spray of sparks that leapt  from the sparklers. We quickly tossed them into the missile silo, and, to our dismay, they did not light the lost bottle rocket. We gave up on it quickly, but were captured by the seeming ridiculousness of the past moment. Did that really just happen? They really wouldn't light until Jesus' name was brought into it? And then a more serious question: Why did He choose to answer something so silly as lighting our sparklers rather than prayers for healing we've said in the past?

We began to examine our hearts. When I prayed for the sparklers, I knew what I wanted. Although honestly I may have said it semi-jokingly, there weren't any thoughts of doubt and my motivations were simply to see these things on fire nothing else. But in times when I've prayed for healing, has my heart been so pure? I remember what seems like each time I've prayed for healing being flooded with doubt, and the moment becomes not a time for healing but a time for my faith to be confirmed, or better said, my lack of faith to be vanquished. When I've prayed for healing, it often, if not always, has become a moment where I want to see healing so that I could have faith in healing, and my heart's desire to see the person healed for their sake or for Christ's fades away.

So what does this mean? Does He only do His works when our hearts are focused on what we're praying for? Does He refuse to show up when we falter and question our faith, even in a small way? Surely the latter cannot be true, for He often shows up in those times, albeit different than we probably would imagine, and I can remember a few small times when He has healed even when I was desiring the healing for my faith's sake and not for the sake of the joy in restoration or kingdom work being done.

I'm not really sure what to think of it all, but it is a good wake up call for my heart when I'm praying. What am I truly focused on when I'm speaking to the Most High God? When I'm praying for someone else, is my heart concerned about me or them? Am I truly desiring kingdom work to be done in their life because I love what God loves to do? Or am I just looking for confirmation of a weak faith? (not to say it's wrong to have a weak faith.) When I'm praying for the life and soul of another person, do I have Christ's heart for them? I don't think it's wrong to struggle and wrestle or to want to be encouraged by seeing the fruits of faith. In fact, those are great and fruitful things. But I do hope that in the moment, when I'm down on my knees with someone, or with a hand on someone's shoulder, that I will be desiring their good, and for that moment, set my struggles and doubts aside, and just love and hope for His will to be done.

Those Turbulent Waters

Reflections on the surface of the river shift
as the wind glides across
and the current guides along
the water to the ocean.
The surface reflects the different scenes around,
wavering, here and there, from marsh to sky;
changing from earthy greens and yellows to a pale blue.
But between each shift comes a moment of transparency,
a glimpse into the heart of those turbulent waters.
Dark and murky, the depths are unseen, clouded by muck and mire.
The struggles of life and death beneath the shimmering surface remain hidden,
except for the occasional splash;
a school of fish searching for escape from a pursuer;
the breach of a dolphin's backside going for air
from which it is deprived from below. 

But You, oh Lord, see the beauty of it all
Your gaze pierces right into those turbulent waters.
Others may see glimpses of the truth,
But you do not wait for the shift on the surface
to see into the depths.
You see past the lack-luster attempts at righteousness,
appearing here and there but never constant, often untrue. 
You even see through the cloudy transgressions
that keep away from true beauty;
from Your true beauty;
from my true beauty.
You see clear into my heart.
All of my struggles are laid before you.
You see my flights away from pursuers, 
desperate for escape.
You see my burdens, heavy and suffocating,
leaving me gasping for relief. 
You see all this, but also beyond
to something that gladdens You: an image of Yourself,
clouded and dirty, but Yours still.
Even more, you see Your Son
welcomed in those turbulent waters.
He dives down deep, letting loose His blood upon my waters.
And what ought to make things worse does just the opposite:
Instead of further murkiness of guilt and shame, 
instead of adding to the filth, 
His blood consumes it.
And again He dives, deeper each time.
Clarity comes forth in splendor. 

These dives, however, do not come without a price.
They were paid for by three nails
And three days.
Yet You offered this currency willingly.
So that above my waters, and above many others, 
You could post a sign.

It reads that I am purchased.
It reads that I am won.
It reads that in me He takes delight.
It reads: "I am The LORD's"

And the Lord, rejoicing as He reads His claim, returns to the depths.
His blood is glad to spill from His wounds,
the pain two thousand years gone, 
the joy ever-present.
But not only does He bleed, 
He breathes.
He breathes in my watery spirit and breathes out His own,
The Spirit flows from His lungs, joining with mine,
mixing and churning, 
turbulent and beautiful, 
powerful and sweet,
Creating inside me renewed waters,
renewed spirit,
renewed life.

Lord, I ask you to keep working in these turbulent waters
Stay faithful as you have shown yourself to be.
Continue to purify my heart, cleansing me from muck and mire.
Let the new waters of our spirits, one, rise up
at first ankle-deep,
then knee-deep,
then waist-deep,
then so deep one could swim. 
Fill me to the brim, that I may have true life, and life to the full.

We are on the witness stand

A vast number of people are searching for God, but there are many who say they need proof. In Isaiah 43, God tells us that we, who have seen His goodness and known His love, are His witnesses. So now, let us be proper witnesses to Him, telling the world, by word and by action, what it is that we have witnessed. Not that they would see us, but that they would see Him. Just as a witness gives evidence to a case, so let us give evidence to the Lord our God. Let us be that proof that they need, that they may know and believe Him, and understand that He is who they are truly looking for. Let us not keep hidden the things we have seen and He whom we know, but instead let us proclaim boldly the gospel of Christ, the good news of grace and hope, and the truth that has set us free.

Thoughts from John Piper’s "Is God less glorified because he ordained that evil be?"

            What if we all walked around with a loud humming in our ears? No matter what circumstance, by our mere existing, a constant noise overwhelmed our sense of hearing. The sound of a brick falling and hitting the ground would not reach us, nor would that of a car’s horn trying to get our attention. The horn couldn’t get our attention and would thus be meaningless, all due to the constant humming that would overwhelm our attention. Or, when you have headphones on and someone is trying to speak to you, the music in your ears does not allow for you to hear what they are saying, even though they are, in fact, speaking. It is not until you turn down the volume, or remove the headphones, that a quiet sweeps through to your ears, and then in disruption of that quiet comes the sound of the speaking person; distinct, noticeable, appreciable. It is like this for God’s glory to be known to us. His love, mercy, goodness shines through the darkness or quietness of the things that are not Him. He is further glorified by all that encompasses the thing that is Creation, including even sin and evil.

            Carefully noting Piper, who quotes Jonathan Edwards:

The impulse to create the world was not from weakness, as though God was lacking in some perfection that creation could supply. ‘It is no argument of the emptiness or deficiency of a fountain, that it is inclined to overflow.’

God knows his own glory and does not need sin and death to delight in Himself. But for us to grasp His glory, we need these things in order to fully and completely delight in Him, which brings him even further glory and delight.

His Holiness, his “Set Apart”-ness is made in the existence of things that are not Him, and the magnitude of this Holiness is his Greatness compared with that of anything else. His beauty, his melody, his song is made distinguishable for us amidst things that are not Him. His power and glory are made evident in their practice, in their use. Without one’s ability to make a distinction, no distinction can be made. What value or meaning has “restoration” to a person if there is nothing to be restored? How can one recognize and give glory over something that is not manifested?

Edwards writes: 

“If it were not right that God should decree and permit and punish sin, there could be no manifestation of God’s holiness in hatred of sin, or in showing any preference, in his providence, of godliness before it. There would be no manifestation of God’s grace or true goodness, if there was no sin to be pardoned, no misery to be saved from. How much happiness soever he bestowed, his goodness would not be so much prized and admired…. 

So evil is necessary, in order to the highest happiness of the creature, and the completeness of that communication of God, for which he made the world; because the creature’s happiness consists in the knowledge of God, and the sense of his love. And if the knowledge of him be imperfect, the happiness of the creature must be proportionably imperfect.”

This is why God ordains evil to be. Not because he enjoys it, but because He is glorified in conquering it, in forgiving it. His Character shines forth through and against it, and we give Him the praise He is due.

            

God's word is not chained

In 2 Timothy 2:8-9, Paul writes:

"8Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, 9for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained."

 What does that last part imply? What does it mean that God's word is not chained? Paul mentions his own enchainment (a word I apparently made up, according to spell check) as suffering but maybe also as humiliating. His being chained up also means that he is restricted. Does the phrase just mean, then, that God's word is free, unrestricted? It seems the "therefore" in verse 10 applies to the fact that God's word is not chained. Maybe Paul means that God's word is free to be shared so that many can hear and "that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory" (10). God's word is not meant to be kept up but shared. Yes, it is to be harbored deep inside us, written on our hearts, but we are also called to share it.

The Curse of Careless Worship

I listened to a sermon recently by John Piper, the title from which I borrowed for this post. Piper discusses Malachi chapter 1 which God lays it down on the Israelite priests for their cheap worship. Piper claims that the priests attitudes were also representative of those of the people of Israel as a whole. God tells the priests that their blind, diseased animals for sacrifice and blemished offerings show their contempt for the Lord, and that he would "accept no offering from [their] hands" (1:11). Piper's sermon discussed the cause for this worship that he calls "careless," its essence, and finally the opposite of careless worship (which is excellence in worship). He concluded with four images of worship, three of which were dead-ends and one which is the proper way to go about worship.

When I say that there is a proper image, I don't mean that there is one specific way to worship God. There are clearly many ways to worship him, not just through song but through art, dance, attitude, service... The list goes on. Your entire body, your entire life, should be offered in reverence as a sacrifice to God (Romans 12:1). Piper also did not mean to imply that there is only one way to worship God. He said not to make the mistake of thinking "in the whole world of cultures and languages and forms" that this (meaning the form they use at his church) is the only form in which to worship God. By forms, he means mode of service, the structure of the service, not beliefs and overall practices of the people. He does not imply things such as worshiping other gods or idols being considered to be worship of God.

This whole idea of careless worship intrigued me. I find it scary how easily I can and do fall into the mindset that these priests probably had. They were offering what was convenient for them to offer. Rather than offering good animals to God, they kept them, probably earn more money or at least to feel more secure in their possessions, and offered shabby ones instead. Piper makes an interesting point on this:

"Now the point here is not that you buy God off in your offering, and therefore it has to be expensive. That's not the point. God doesn't need a good sheep or a bad sheep. He is not hungry. The point is [that] the worship of God should reflect the value we put upon Him in the way it is done."

The worth they put in God had diminished. Later on, he says:

"Careless worship illustrates how little we value God."

Piper extracts from this passage in Malachi that the essence of careless worship is a lack of vision or perception of the greatness of God. From this we get bored with worship and turn to earthly things. Personally, and speaking more towards musical worship, I get used to it: it becomes sort of a routine, and if I'm not careful I stop really engaging with it. I lose focus and I get distracted by various things (something Piper addresses in his sermon which I'll talk about later). I lose sight of the greatness of God in the midst of worship, and my worship becomes careless. God knows my heart though. He knows I'm weak, but that I love Him, that I desire Him. He knows I need Him, and He's glad to bring my heart back to a place where I can truly worship Him. On the essence of true worship, Piper says:

"The nature of [true] worship has two parts... First true worship expresses the feeling of God's greatness and value. And secondly, it seeks to sustain in other people in the congregation that same spiritual sense of His immense worth."

and

"Genuine worship comes from a heart that treasures God above all human treasures (praise of man, money, whatever...) and it aims to inspire a God centered passion in people."

These definitions of worship are ones I haven't really considered before. The emphasis is mainly on recognizing and acknowledging the greatness of God; His value; His worth. I wish I could keep this in the forefront of my heart at every moment! Jesus' offering of himself on the cross for my sins is such an incredible act that I should think about daily!

Although this is his driving point, what I found most remarkable is the other emphasis he puts on the idea that true worship desires to inspire true worship in others. This is, indirectly I think, but most certainly, a Biblical concept. Jesus' calling on His followers to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19) is clearly of this nature, showing that we are to be concerned about, desire, and work for the salvation of others. From this I think it's proper to say that we should also be concerned about the lives of worship of fellow believers.

I feel like I've rambled on too long for one post, and though I have more to say (especially on the images of worship Piper discusses at the end of his sermon), I'll wait for another post (soon probably). I'll leave you with this though: the lives of people who properly worship God are blessed. I've been reading through 1 Kings recently, and the kings of Israel and Judah who bowed to gods other than the God of their fathers tended to have short reigns, full of war and death, and sometimes their entire families were destroyed. The kings who worshiped God, however, had long reigns, generally peaceful years, and brought the people together to devote themselves to God. God curses those who curse Him, but blesses those who bless Him more than they can ask for. 

But be very careful to follow the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to obey His commands, to hold fast to Him, and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul. 

 -Joshua 22:5   

In Medias Res

Here we go.


I've been trying to figure out how to write this next post. It's hard. Not because I don't know how to go about it, but even just figuring out what to say. 


Anyway. I've intended to use this blog to help me step back and take a look at my self, what I'm doing, etc., but this that I write hasn't come from that. Instead, through talking with other people who ask how they can pray for me, I've been able to see what I'm struggling with. 


Before we begin, one thing you should know: I've come to realize that I can always know God more than I do, so I am now seeking to . I've had multiple times in the past where I've been satisfied with my current state of faith. I thought I had reached the top, that I was the ultimate Christian (this was long before I had read even 1% of the Bible, or even live a life that I would consider to be under the lordship of Christ). Frequent recognitions that there is more and more to life with God that I previously knew have encouraged me to give up this idea and I am now continually seeking to know Him more. 


And now to begin.


A few days ago, I spent some time reading scripture and then a book called The Blueprint by Jaeson Ma. In the part I was reading, Ma was talking about his experience in receiving the Holy Spirit. As I was reading, I was feeling an excitement filling me. I was (and am) sure that it was the Spirit in some way. Cool, right? Yes.


Here's something I struggle with: After I finished the chapter, I set the book down and prayed (this is not the struggle I mean to talk about). As I prayed, I tried to cling to this feeling of excitement, of the Spirit. 


Now, this may or may not be a bad thing. I tend to lead toward the former because it distracted my prayer. Regardless, my clinging to the Spirit seemed to be out of a lack of trust rather than for a desire for God. I was looking for this feeling to be a confirmation of the Spirit being upon me and thus Him being with me, rather than just trusting His promise that He is with me. I feel like that father of the demonized boy who said to Jesus: "I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:42). 


I have no reason to doubt God at all. My own experiences and countless experiences of others testify to his reality. Through faith, then, I believe. I do. But when I desire God more and He doesn't respond in my time, I get frustrated. I need to learn patience. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) is a well known verse, yet to my heart it is foreign. In my daily life, I hardly give God a chance to hear my heart (although He knows it already), let alone try to listen to what He may be trying to tell me. I don't often try to come to Jesus to receive rest (Matthew 11:28-30). I ought to seek Him unwaveringly, no longer trying to fix things myself. I think it's okay to desire a relationship with God and to do things that I think will bring me closer to Him. But there's a difference between trying to fix it myself and seeing that I can't bring myself closer to Him but that He will draw me closer to Him. From there, I can act in response to that idea: Focus my thoughts on Christ, set aside specific time in the day to pray, read, and worship, and wait for/trust in Him. I can respond to his invitation by saying "Yes, I want to know You more," but I don't think there is anything I can do to know Him more without His involvement, and this is something I tend to forget. 


God, I want to know You more than I do now. I want to walk out my life with You. I want You to be my Shepherd and guide me. I want You intimately beside me, being my confidence, joy, and source of life. I want You behind me to catch me when I fall. Father, will You continue to teach me to be patient, to be still wait for You as You command? I'm sorry for being so impatient. I'm sorry that I do not trust You when I should. I'm sorry that I hardly give You the time I should. Please forgive me. And now, I will trust Your promises and I receive forgiveness. Assured by Your promises, I know that am free from these sins. Jesus, I lift this up to You in Your Name. Amen.